Tangled Breathing

I was writing one late night--my words cut short--as Mom was shouting in the other room, furiously mad at my nephews noisy shrill cries. Its supposed to be their bed time but the little kid just wont stop crying and bursting out a tantrum. So with all the noise I went to the next room and saw Mom in her drowsy state almost at the verge of spanking the kid with her slipper. Then I pulled him out of there and put him into my room, after fifteen minutes with no sense of calming down, Mom talked to him again and they went back to their room. What a night!

After that, I lay in my bed. . . thinking . . 

I haven't written anything for a week now. I wasn't able to post several entries in this blog yet. My life is a mess right now. I must admit. For someone who eschews perfection--these imperfect revelries that's suddenly dropping right to my face--somewhat are implicitly stabbing me deeper to the chest (right at the core). I'm gasping for breath; cold, frozen, tied to the hole I've put myself into. My head is blank from all the things that's randomly enveloping.

I think I'm going crazy! I'm scared just by the thought of it. Constantly checking my sanity if I'm at the brink of a loosing end or what.

The Merry Drinking Fellows

Let's hang our tears to the bright kindred skies,

just lay paralyzed--take aim at that bright red star..

and into your eyes they guide such like..

a shinning paradise.

Soon these dreams will fill up the sky,

bleed out until none's left but one's desire

that in this half-filled strange 'guise

such uncertain moment leads to

a beautiful twilight.

~poem title "Merry" finished @11/11/2012

When you're drinking beer one night..lost count on the number of cans you've emptied out..

listened for hours to a strangers' anecdote of a love drunk conflicted phone conversation, while another friend (who's smoking on the other side) is sharing stories of her unperturbed love dilemmas.

I got lost with the time . . .

X-Factor Ph: Finale (Week 10)

Note: To tweet about the X-Factor show tonight just use this hashtag  #XFactorPHFinale

Themes: Contestant's choice; Celebrity duets

Act	Order	Song (original artist) — Duet with	Result
Daddy's Home	1	"Gaya ng Dati" (Gary Valenciano)	TBA
Gabriel Maturan	2	"I Believe" (Fantasia)	TBA
KZ Tandingan	3	"Superstar" (Delaney & Bonnie and Friends)	TBA
Daddy's Home	4	"Through the Fire" (Chaka Khan) — Nina	TBA
KZ Tandingan	5	"The Way We Were" (Barbra Streisand) — Rico J. Puno	TBA
Gabriel Maturan	6	"The Man Who Can't Be Moved" (The Script) / "Leaving on a Jet Plane" (Peter, Paul and Mary) — Bamboo	TBA

Review on tonight's performance:

Daddy's, this time medyo okay ang blending nila today, although in the middle of the song medyo may konting lapse lang pero nakabawi naman sila. They did great. But is this performance a winning song that could give them a home run?? I have doubts. 

Gab, so male version daw ng "I Believe", it was a rough start tapos towards the middle of the song it felt like he's struggling, the song was too big for him, there were A LOT of pitchy moments here and there, ang tanging nagustuhan ko lang ung mga adlibs nya towards the end dahil iniba kasi ang areglo sa dulo compared sa original. I think with this performance he lost that chance of winning IT. 

KZ, di ako familiar sa original song, pero I"ve heard of Usher's version, KZ style ang maririnig mo talaga which is great compared to the last weeks crappy performance of "Forever", she did great this time! I'm glad.

Coffee Toast: The 5th Blunder Bender

Sometimes moving on can be one tricky dilemma.

Its staring me in the eye..like some rapid nuisance of striking light into the dark. And just like the usual, the answers where just right in front of me..but I just didn't give it much time.

In the back of my head, sort of in predicament I got so much time to loose.

(All this time) All I did was just walk on and close my eyes. Nothing more.

Everything around me has change. It passes by like a glimmer towards a blinding light that I dare not look closely at. I look back at the past when things were once still dainty and new; how such childhood memories were splashed to red and blue. Yet, the usual innocence were true; feelings do grew--either out of or in to--still, the heart lies afloat the winds of change. A change to a different shade of hue.

Cybercrime, what the....?

What are your thoughts about the Cybercrime Prevention Act of 2012

Senators who voted to pass the law:
1.Sen. Tito Sotto
2.Sen. Bong Revilla
3.Sen. Manny Villar
4.Sen. Lito Lapid
5.Sen. Koko Pimentel
6.Sen. Jinggoy Estrada
7.Sen. Loren Legarda
8.Sen. Chiz Escudero
9.Sen. Ping Lacson
10.Sen. Gringo Honasan
11.Sen. Pia Cayetano
12.Sen. Bongbong Marcos
13.Sen. Ralph Recto

"I accept that people are going to call me awful things every day, and I will always defend their right to do so" - Obama

X-Factor Ph: Week 9

Theme: Songs from the Top 4's favorite musical artists

Act	Order	Song (original artist)	Result
Allen Sta. Maria	1	"Whip My Hair" (Willow Smith)	Bottom Two
Daddy's Home	2	"Open Arms" (Journey)	Safe
KZ Tandingan	3	"Forever" (Chris Brown)	Bottom Two
Gabriel Maturan	4	"Boyfriend" (Justin Bieber)	Safe

My review on the Top 4's performance:

Allen - such a risky song choice; I know she's been groomed to be like an r&b type of singer but her weakness has always been the way she pronounce her words; she tends to eat the lyrics up. Most of performance I hardly able to hear what she was saying....well.. maybe except for some of her ballad performance. Her song choice seems to be interesting but somehow a wrong move when you're almost near the finale.

Coffee Toast: Four More Days

These are the days...the sun, the gentle breeze, some mellow playlist in the background, the ambiance of the park, a light breakfast with coffee, a paper on my lap and a pen on hand. What  else could I ask for? And there I write...

Early this morning, I went to a drive-thru for a one time breakfast: a sausage & egg pandesal with coffee float for breakfast. I also added a dessert treat too, a taste-test of the NEW Choco-Cappucino Magnum! With everything on the list  checked, I was thinking where should I eat this? In my room or somewhere else. I urgently asked for a straight-up poll and yelled this while I was driving to my unknown destination; for those in favor of article A. JK's Room, please raise your hand; and for those in favor of article B The Park, give a hand and answer. Stomp! Stomp! As all the votes verified and thoroughly tallied by our official counting master "Me". The "B" have it! "To the park we go!!!" haha

Then, I chose one corner of the park and parked there. Put the both sides of the windows down and stretched my feet to the other vacant (passenger) seat and slouched comfortably. I put my phone at the dashboard and played some mellow music for inspiration. Carefully placed my coffee float next to it. Sausage & egg pandesal on my left hand, a paper on my lap, and a pen on my right hand.

I stared at the sunny skies and gave a deep thought... what was it again that I was dreaming about last night?

X-Factor Ph: Top 5 Performs (Week 8)

Theme: Revival songs

Act	Order	First song (original artist) — Revived By	Result
Allen Sta. Maria	1	"Teenage Dream" (Katy Perry) —  Glee Cast	TBA
Gabriel Maturan	2	"Moonlight Over Paris" (Vanessa Williams) — Paolo Santos	TBA
KZ Tandingan	3	"Make You Feel My Love" (Bob Dylan) — Adele	TBA
Jeric Medina	4	"Do You Believe In Me" (Eric Gadd) — South Border	TBA
Daddy's Home	5	"Tell Me" (Joey Albert) — Side A	TBA

Note: I'm alil bit distracted that I barely watch this show since at the same time I was watching the previous episode of X-Factor Australia and also switching channels for the UAAP Cheerdance Competition. Amazing UP!

Here's my ranking:

Allen listening to judges comments

1. Daddy's Home
2. KZ
3. Jeric and Gab
4. Allen

Who might be at the bottom:

• Allen
• Daddy's Home
• Jeric 

Review:

Allen, anong connection ng mga softdrink vendo sa kanta? Medyo nakakalito lang ang song choice sa theme nila ngaun kasi nakalimutan kong may cover version nga pala ang Warblers ng Teenage Dream haha. Wrong song choice. Period

Gabriel, he did it perfectly but not as memorable as how Paolo Santos did it. I agree with what Judge Gary said, he should not move at stage, nababawasan ang impact ng song.

Iza pa

May kurot sa puso yung episode ng MMK na "Komiks" starring Iza Calzado. Iza will portray the character of Rosalyn, a doctor who suffered from major depression due to a series of unfortunate incidents in her life, particularly because of her philandering father, Gilbert (Bembol Roco).

It is such a compelling story and at the same time tagos sa puso. The story about depression somehow made me remember of my late Aunt.

When we were watching I notice my Mom's reaction "Ay, parang si Ate Ayds" "Ay, Nabaliw."

Maraming pinagdaanang traumatic ang character ni Iza but one of the memorable lines she said was:

...pinilit kong ipagpatuloy ang aking buhay... nagtrabaho ako.

 I can't help but look back sa nangyari sa Tita ko. I know my Mom misses her dearly. In fact, several days from now will be her death anniversary (Oct. 01). How fast time pass by. A lot of things seems to change around but the feeling is still there. I couldn't help but cry while writing this. Heck! I can't believe I'm sobbing  right now. I rarely cry. I guess this is sort of overwhelming for me.

But then again, life goes on.

I know my Aunt is in a better place now. God, sometimes I miss her!

Sob.

X-Factor Ph: Top 6 Performs (Week7)

Theme: Songs by Eraserheads or Rivermaya

Act	Order	Song (original artist)	Result
Daddy's Home	1	"Himala" (Rivermaya)	TBA
Gabriel Maturan	2	"Hinahanap-Hanap Kita" (Rivermaya)	TBA
Jeric Medina	3	"214" (Rivermaya)	TBA
KZ Tandingan	4	"Kisapmata" (Rivermaya)	TBA
Kedebon Colim	5	"Toyang" (Eraserheads)	TBA
Allen Sta. Maria	6	"With a Smile" (Eraserheads)	TBA

Ranking:

Best of the night

1. Allen

So-so

1. Gab
2. KZ
3. Jeric

Low-low

1. Daddy's Home
2. Kedebon

 Prediction for bottom 2: Daddy's Home / Allen

My review based on their performance...

Queen of Anything

I was watching several episodes of The Vampire Diaries. I dunno I'm just alil bit interested about the Witch/Wiccan storylines (the inner "Charmed" fanatic in me caves in haha) so I'm just randomly watching the series. Hence, the typical vampire storylines are about love, race, power, blood sucking, killing, hunting, revenge etc etc. And there I realize the thought about death.  I've written a few poems about death several years back but it never connotes to anything in what my recent situation is. Right now, the thought about dying has become a constant glimmer in my head for some time now.

X-Factor Ph: Top 7 Performs (Week 6)

KZ, Allen, Joan (from L to R)

I have to admit, I'm not a fan of the show yet, hence I've only gotten into it for two straight weeks now. At first, I thought this show would be another PGT (Pilipinas Got Talent) kind of type show that's why I neglectfully didn't pay much attention to it. But then again, there's nothing wrong in giving this show a second chance; right?

The theme for this week: Songs from the 1980s

Order	Act	Song (original artist)	Result
1	Allen Sta. Maria	"Every Breath You Take" (The Police)	Bottom Two
2	Gabriel Maturan	"Forever" (Kenny Loggins)	Safe
3	KZ Tandingan	"Eternal Flame" (The Bangles)	Safe
4	Jeric Medina	"Careless Whisper" (George Michael)	Safe
5	Daddy's Home	"Will You Still Love Me?" (Chicago)	Safe
6	Kedebon Colim	"Eye of the Tiger" (Survivor)	Safe
7	Joan Da	"Billie Jean" (Michael Jackson)	Bottom Two

source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_X_Factor_Philippines_(season_1)#Week_6:_September_8_.26_9

 Best of the night:

1. Jeric
2. Joan

So-so performance (the forgettable kind):

1. Allen
2. Daddy's Home
3. KZ

Worst of the night:

1. Gab
2. Ked

My review on this week's performance:

I could care less about others performances except for KZ and Joan Da (no pun intended) their performance last week stood out amongst the rest. Joan Da's rendition of Nobela just totally won me over and KZ's playful take on Huling El Bimbo was amazing.

When the coffee crumbles

When the coffee crumbles...

it tastes bitter and sweet...

                                                                                         but that's life. Life as it is.

Pretty Little Liars: Questions After Season 3 Episode 12

Warning: Possible SPOILERS to those who haven't watched the show or the latest episode.

Mona: I did everything you ask me to.

It was revealed in season 2 that Mona was "A". But there might be someone else aside from her planning all these "insert Mona's visitor in Radley Sanitarium" (see right pic). Also don't forget, there was a mention about the "A-team" but we don't know how many members are there yet. The only thing clear is Mona, Toby and Lucas is in the A-Team.

So here's the questions:

Thoughts About August 3: Another Surprise

This afternoon, I went to my friend Mickey Kat & Pooh's"  niece Christening.

At the reception venue:

Patrick Starfish: "Mamya daw my games dito."

Me: Talaga (in excited tone, believing her)

PS: LOL~

Today, I'm catching up with Mickey Kat, Pooh and Patrick Starfish. I haven't seen them in months. Except for Patrick Starfish, whom I was with last night in help to search for a christening gift for the event. So we were in a table with some familiar faces. Its kind of giddy hearing those usual bantering and jokes at some point. Poor Patrick Starfish  always the topic of the commotion haha. Hopefully, someday all of us could go out again in another of our 7-Eleven foodtrips and Tanduay Ice tasting sessions. I know everyone would love to do that again!

Anyways, there was something I realize as Patrick Starfish and I were going down the stairs.

Wish I could have said something

There's a time when you feel like just getting with the flow of what's to come; only to stumble on something crazy that unexpectedly happened but there's nothing you can do to change what's already at hand; realizing after some moments of reflection that in some ways, the feeling of regret caves in like some virus in your head.

And it goes furthermore, in repeat like a flagrant echo, "Wish I could have said something earlier on, something straightforward to a friend coz I don't want her to feel despicable or put her in a position of getting hurt."

At that time, I never knew it was coming, or maybe I was just too blind to notice? For a fact, I was the one who introduce my friend to that bastard guy. And at that time, I thought he was okay. Little did I know it would come to this but who's counting?

Thoughts About August 2: The Ambiguous Series

I just finished watching PLL s3.e11, plus 2 episodes of The Big Bang Theory and 2 episodes of Awkward (I'm super loving this show! Team Jake!!!~)

Done cleaning up my desk but left a ton of messy papers on the floor though. I don't know where to put them yet.. Hmm.

But let's get to that ambiguous tale shall we?

Babbled Bubble

I'm still scratching

              the surface

of my heart

to pour
       out

any emotion

        if there's any

I could find..

Disclaimer: Playing whatever's on my playlist--aloof as it is--figuring out what to write about.

Thoughts about August (part 1)

By Hook 

Lately, I started to be hooked on Pretty Little Liars (PLL), a TV series that premiered on 2010. Its running now in its third season so I'm slowly catching up with it. The show has opened me up to alot of things hence, the show is a story about a mysterious murder with a mix of high school cliques, complicated love stories, raised sensitive issues tossed with family problems as well, that I think only a few network probably have shown these kind of issues on the screen.

Then, I also found out that the show was based on a novel of the same name, written by Sara Shepard which brought much interest in me (I'm thinking of raving on those books once I get to find one, that'll be my goal next.)

So here's my thoughts on the show:

Don't sleep with an angry heart

I'll sleep

without the ever thought of you in my head

we can never take those words back

so I'll just lay in my bed

drawing back the tears

I should not shed for you

daunting smiles

I thought I was meant to

Cheesecake Tasting

Four years ago, I masterfully crafted my very own Carrot Cupcake recipe. I adjusted the recipe to my liking.  Everyone liked 'em even though its not yet that perfect. They taste great!

The only downside is...

I've lost my recipe a year ago, I tried to make it from scratch numerous times and try to remember but to no avail, so it kinda took a toll on me.

Kerren and I make a coffee toast
for our first cheesecake success.

Good thing I found friends (Jem & Kerren) who are into baking as well. So it kinda make me go back into baking goodies again. 

Tomorrow I'll start making delicious ones.

Our very first Mixed Berry Cheesecake, it was so good!

Let's bake!

Comfort in you (poem)

Gentle stroke of my fingertips onto your shiny hair,
and I'll lay splendidly bare
from the shadows of your heart beat,
that I try to light with just one flick.
Wasn't you who have been running
was I who have been suffering

taking a chance from it all
trying to catch you--when you fall.

So don't look down,
whatever lies from now
leave the pretenses, of make-believe
you know I would do anything somehow,
don't look down
take my hand now
let the shallow days turn to gray
i'll color it back and fade the yesterdays

if only I could take it back
or should we let it go by
what is there not to love?
everything around us is paradise
Wasn't I who should be wandering
was there any part of you falling?
falling apart from these sick times
yea, these times are hard

So don't look down,

whatever lies from now

leave the pretenses,

of make-believe

you know I would do anything somehow,

don't look down

look at me now

the comfort in you makes me free

So just keep your eyes on me.




Currently listening to BBMak

Note made a wrong turn on ideas and theme... its meant to be a love poem.. so the 1st verse and the last verse are contradicting with the rest of the lines.. my bad!~


Disclaimer writing for a piece of hope.. the gathering clouds is near.. so light a candle

Coffee Toast: the 3rd Concoction

There's alot goin' on in my head right now.. alot of words to digest; I'm crawling my way back through it.

"Life is sweet, just stir it well."

Works going pretty much fine at the office, and the random hospital reports and health teaching video presentation has been juggled lightly off our shoulders. So I could say, its a hurdle I've triumphantly jumped over.

I'm sad at the moment with no proof of tears. As I'm finally recovering from my Aunt's untimely death of late last year, then early of this year, I was one of the first people to know of Alue (a close friend of mine) having a baby (her first one) of which I'm truly thrilled about.

When "The Lazy Song" suddenly pops into your head (literally)

Sometimes we’re too lazy to stand..

Sometimes we're too lazy to stand, as we look at the sofa and lay there like it’s the only place to crash onto, but after long  hours (or if you're a couchie potato head will probably take several days) of dilly dally— noticed how the feeling seems ain’t right—that during the course of what you thought were a leisure pleasury, turns out (the-least-to-none) just to realize you could have done something worth the while or appetizing instead.

What am I supposed to do anyway?

Mirrored Things

There's a lot going on in my head right now. I'm a slowly taking it in; comprehending what lies beneath and what the future shall hold for me. There's added confusion at work again. To be exact in another shaky situation   wherein this might lead to either a good or bad scenario. I don't want to expect anything nor think bad about things but I'm just putting the worst case scenario possible into mind.

Coffee Toast: the second sip (commentary)

Another damp midnight with another coffee cup at hand, just finished watching half of the American Idol elimination tonight. Its unusual for me to not watch the show in its entirely (am I one, joining the list of the many viewers who's getting bored with "the show" nowadays? hmm.) I didn't even bother watching who got the boot. I just read every comments on the forum and there. nuff said.

So let's start the randomness.. since with me changing songs after another at youtube made forget what is I'm supposed to write.. damn!~ Anyways.. proceed.

We're bound to say things that lead to what's now. An apology today can lead to a lifetime one thing tattooed on someone's mind. Though sometimes friends may part, grew cold or even get awkward. But one things real...

(to edit) not sure what to write next..

Coffee Toast #1 (Commentary)

My hand is abit rusty. I think my recent impromptu entry (Roundabout) seems to be lacking compared to posts I've written back in January... sigh ~_~

Anyways, I kept on re-reading and editing it but really found the last entry really sad to say not at par to my satisfaction. There's lots goin' on in my head right now, so I'm kind of coping from every tasks, weekly deadlines, reports, baking & cooking, biz, family thing, and friends.

A lot of things to juggle around everyday and every week, 'nuff said.

I don't mind the loaded weight, its enough to keep me sane and make me more human than being lost or wander thru such mindless space.

What should I write about next? hmm..

Diclaimer: Here's a coffee toast for me, as I force myself to write something out of this terrible panned out situation.

Roundabout

Thirteen faces; Thirteen hearts. One circle.

It all started with Five; an uncanny group of five nurses, learning the ropes, starting on a one-step ladder profession. And with this kind of profession the first step is to do VOLUNTEER jobs.

Days passed the party of Five suddenly became Six, then slowly to Nine till it reaches lucky THIRTEEN. Superfriends by the numbers.

Days were fun-filled, easy as it goes, with no care for worries, jokes kept on pouring as also with the friendly get-aways, the beach, the drinks, the special celebrations and the food trips.

I could say those days were the perfect moments I've ever had. I bet those of you who'd be reading this might say, I'm saying this as an exaggeration but lemme truthfully share..

ever had that one particular moment where you've felt like it's the best moment/experience in your life that you need not change one thing about it nor erase the good or the lil bad happenings which has truly been one of the highlights in your life?

Collapse

Now,-- in-spite of me; in-spite of this--I've gone blatantly hoarse from telling myself, "Have I gone out-of-course?" Like a needle in a haystack, a necklace at the bed of the sea...

I wonder where this road leads to?

The Letting

We stare for a moment, wandering where all these things go.

And for a brief silence we hold on to precious things making them hard to let go.

Till we're left, realizing the sun's starting to set.

Tried to pry closely just to learn how to forget.

And what's to it--the time's running out now.

Seconds have come to waste--dark skies will rain somehow.

So we blink for the moment, wandering where the heart go.

As I mask the silence, just to find myself holding on to you.

Life at War

We mean work, so we work harder each day, but we can't always have the perfect workplace that we wish to have (remember we can never have it all). Life is not always perfect the way we want it to be.

Though be grateful that we learn little by little, the ropes about life and the people that surrounds us. Just think of it as a stepping stone not to purge you, but to see, that with every battle makes you stronger; to firm up your character and principles, to motivate you to be the best of what you can be, regardless of how unsatisfying the workplace might get.

What matters is. . . . always bring your shield and armor, then you're set >> to plunge to the warring battles of life.

Goodluck.

Bed Post

I feel like curling to my bed.. and never leaving.. it..

And in times like these..I just want to lay down and crash to a soft landing spot.

Another Late Snack

I know it's late. And with the time like this. . . my minds' probably half-shut at this moment. Could I still think clearly well enough? Or should I just put myself to sleep to clear my head out for everything and every bit of all that's happened these past few days.

It's 2:30AM: My stomach is churning now. I'm hungry.

And while I'm randomly re-reading posts from someone else at facebook, I might as well feed my aching soul from all the trouble.

I am changing.

Cave-like Symphonies of the Heart

Let's march our heads to a tunnel . . .

. . . gaze in an unusual type of hue. A certain vision; a split-view and a one-of-a-kind simplified tune you hum out of the blue. Beyond the sadness, lies a masquerade and a different kind of symphony that only a beholder with a pure heart can actually hear. It's a song--far from the cries of creaturely nymphs' temptations to a sailor; the crystal howl of a weeping mother loosing her child; the aching desires of a unrequited love that never did last--somewhat loosely deciphered, something vague and poignant when utterly felt.

It's the rhythm of one's heartbeating.

Late Snack

This won't be like any of my usual post/entries . . .

I've been re-reading poems I've written the other day at my multiply account, my emotions are all up in the air as to what I'm feeling at the moment.

I'm not really used to being mad or be angry at someone. Pde ako magtaray or magsungit but I rarely get angry.

And for the past few days, I was upset/disappointed.. and my silence to the matter has led to this awkward state of which I'm aware will happen eventually.

And it did. Tonight.

Two long time friends. In the same old car with the same seating but not talking.