I know it's late. And with the time like this. . . my minds' probably half-shut at this moment. Could I still think clearly well enough? Or should I just put myself to sleep to clear my head out for everything and every bit of all that's happened these past few days.
It's 2:30AM: My stomach is churning now. I'm hungry.
And while I'm randomly re-reading posts from someone else at facebook, I might as well feed my aching soul from all the trouble.
I am changing.
I feel like I've gone aloof again. (Ung bang parang gusto ko maging withdrawn, maging loner at manahimik sa isang sulok). The last time na naging aloof ako.. t'was 2002 pa.
So I was like, being aloof this time around got mixed reactions from friends. I could not blame them. Hence, the USUAL personality of mine being less expressive or introverted tends to put situations to a confusing state that sometimes I myself has been struggling to walk on since.
I have my own personal dilemma, the in and out battle of fears and rejection, certain insecurities and the thing about not knowing what I want in life.
If I want to eat something, I'd eat it. If I want to buy that pouch, I'd buy it in an instant. If I want to go out, I'll go. Whatever it is if I wanted to, I can do it.
But I'm in the position of not knowing my place in this life. The next chapter of my story is abit blurry. I haven't found that piece inside my heart that I'm truly looking for. And I walk without a clue or what to hold as I travel the steps of this life's journey.
For I'll just boldly float wherever the stream take me or wherever the wind take me. No specific direction whatsoever. No maps to cling to.
Maybe, after my works' contract, I need to search more deeply onto what I want to attain near ahead. I have to find ways to pick essentially what I should or should not dare.
Plan is, I've thought of taking short courses of certain work fields that I could probably take. Going abroad is another option to take (but that would be the least one on my list). I might go back to Manila next year since I don't have any next option in settling at Bataan anymore.
Reason is, the only thing that kept me from moving out, is the family business (which I only partially handle); my late Aunt and Mom.
Right now, I'm sorting out my priorities; I may have sort of harnessed my drained writing skills for this past few weeks but I am writing now to take a change. And I hope that every time I re-read this blog entry, I'd be reminded of what's next and what's to come.
Life has a lot in-store for every changing weather.
Disclaimer: "Changes are no temporary hurdle." So take a leap when it (hurdle) shows up.
