Alcohologic

I hear the down pour, such solemn taste.
Was it a satisfaction of a common heartache?
There I feel the numb-tender-jerk; a placid masquerade.
I spit up, till I choke. (How?)
Now I tried to raise the bottle as I empty it out.
Its easy to drown and lay silent
from all the commotion around; naught.
As the heart beats like the clinks
of ice tubes floating along with
the bubbly airs of the night.
I felt dissatisfied...

Intro..

Its been several-drastic-days, I have almost shelved this entry; been writing on scattered notes for Alcohologic but wasn't able to find the time to actually sit down and mash the pieces in one.
So here it goes..from the title I bet you know what I'm going to tackle about, eh? I'm pretty sure you got the hint from there.

Alcohol is a man's shoulder to cry on and a nurse's handy obsession (well, on a different case that is..).

Alcoholic drinks have 3 classes: wine, beer and spirits (distilled or more known as hard liquor). While surrogate alcohols includes: paints, cologne, rubbing alcohol, hydrogen peroxide, Antifreeze on engines and liquid soaps, etc (these are liquids containing alcohol which you can't drink or else tsugi ka).

There I said it

There's no repulse in me. As I sat here alone tonight, I took heed of the time to finish a set of song lists of Skillet (Christian Rock) and Katharine McPhee's (American Idol) recent album in one shuffle (also just recently adding up a new song of Kjwan titled "Pause".

This morning kasi, sira connection ng Limewire di ako makapag-download. Tinamad na akong mag-intay. At mas tinamad akong i-play ang lahat sa Youtube (sa dami ba naman ng kanta nila noh?)

I got the time to write last night, just when I finally got to tuck my nephew to bed (he was sleeping beside me 'cause my Mom, her grandma was in Manila for several days). I took the pen and got inspired after reading the new novel of Ricky Lee "Para kay B" (so wala lang may biglang naisip lang ako!).

But definitely I'd still post the next subject Imma 'bout to tackle "Alcohologic", it is the next post I'm sort of trying to speculate, I haven't compose the whole of it yet but I think I'll be adding the previous note I wrote on my mobile phone last year. I hope I could work on it. Need some luck on that.

I wrote all the words that come's out of my head, till I was left writing myself to sleep..

There's no repulse in me tonight. I've been staring at those filled bottles in the ref wondering why I've lost the urge or desire to empty the contents. And throw myself on a splash of splendid liquor delight (even for just a day). I dunno know I think I'm not just up for it. (It's a bit weird withdrawing but I'm not in the position to force myself to do otherwise).

So I put the cube ice onto my iced coffee instead then close the ref door and head back to my bedroom door.

Disclaimer: I'm taking the time off to do other things instead something much finer than drowning myself onto a bottle that would never make me dry the tears I'm holding back.

Alcohologic is still next.

Counting Down the Drops of Dews

When it drops, it drops.. there's no turning back!

I had this saying to myself, as I entered this journal starting to write about last night. And it goes:

I'm at my Aunt's place here in Quezon City since Friday last week. Coming back to the place where I stayed during college, I was excited and abit uneasy at the same time. There were alot of memories: a mixture of the childhood ones, the family gatherings, the stay-in vacations and my college life.

Back then, I still remember, May pa lang, start of classes na. So walang gaano bakasyon ako nalasap nung after graduation ng High School. My first year in QC, puro ako lang. That was the year na medyo pasaway ako nun. I had that certain freedom in my head kasi. (pano walang magulang eh) This chapter I'd provide to another blog entry.

I'm here for a purpose. Since January 10, when my Aunt got back from the States, she hasn't been feeling that well and sometimes not to herself without her knowing. So since I was like the easy-going niece that's undeniably very reachable in times of desperate need, I was tasked to cradle my weak Aunt's hands as if I have all the possible answers to those questions that lay our paths.

The task for this back to QC trip was deem for a family matter: "The Recollection of the Family memorabilia's, furniture's and super lumang plate-wares and Beer mug set." I was expecting na untidy ung bahay since dahil sa work ng Tito ko and especially because of the little poodle dog freely roaming around the house. And to my honest surprise, well, untidy nga.

So okay lang, carry lang basta may TV at my food, solve tayo dyan. For several days, I was just observing my Aunt for reactions and for sudden routines around the house. Pero syempre what I did with my stay there ayun, kumain, nanuod ng madaming movies, naglinis (linis na parang wa-epek ewan ko ba ang gulong bahay talaga dun) at nagbalot ng mga gamit na pinapagawang i-empake.

Nung mga unang araw, okay lang carry lang. Pero dumating ang Sunday at Monday, at napapansin kong, ako ang madalas magluto, naglinis ng konti ng CR, nag-eempake ng mga babasagin na baso at bowls at may kusang maglinis kahit papaano sa sala na tambak ng kung ano-ano. Then it hit me. Hindi okay 'to. But I still remained silent althroughout dragging therapies to movie marathons. Hanggang sa yesterday, lumabas muna akong bahay para kumain! (Pambihirang buhay 'to, lunch na, pero nakahiga parin at walang balak ata magluto ang Tita ko. Maybe I was waiting for her action, an urge to tell, tara magluto na, maglinis tayo, mag ayos tayo nito, mag-Mall tayo, kumain tayo sa labas.) Pero wala..

So this one time, last night, I was watching Resident Evil 4 sitting on a computer chair beside the master's bedroom. When the movie ended, and was starting to sleep I found myself unexpectedly crying for a reason I can't comprehend. Grabe parang ngayon lang yata ako umiyak sa tanang buhay ko. (Dahil umiiyak lang talaga ako kapag pilit na gusto mag-akting aktingan or kapag ayan na at sasabunin na ako ng Mommy ko).

I miss the Aunt that I come to know dati pa. Pareho kaming hard-headed, lahat ng kapamilya nya naka-bangga nya, and I was one of the few na nakatiis sa kanya together with my family. Madali syang naka-clash ng family ko pero ako ung pinakahuli amongst the others.

I miss that person, who could cook and clean-up, who frequently combs and tidies up the poodles in the house, who gives advises and directions when venturing Manila, who walks 4 hours in a mall and never gets tired trying on different sandals and blouses, who talks with convictions and laughs because Wowowee is a funny show, I miss this and all.

And I cried knowing and wondering, could there be a possible way to bring that all back. I want the Aunt I've come to know before. I miss her.

Disclaimer: Its funny going back home, ung mga sa kapaligaran tinitignan mo kung ano ang nabago: kapitbahay, establishements, food etc. I'm here sa pc shop na pinupuntahan ko dati, even if napalitan na ung Name. Wala lang naalala ko lang ung dating adik pa ako sa Ragnarok at ibang computer games hehe.

Alcohologic is next.

Amnesia or Suppression?

I sat contemplating this one night. I could not believe. There are lots of things that I've taken reprieve of. Do I hose it down and freeze the fire away? Or will I let it burning from a distant view?

There are certain things you couldn't escape. Its how the past was written for you. You can never turn the hands of time nor use a white ink to erase the mistakes or those thoughts that even up to now makes you hold back.

If only you can hold back the tears. And say its okay.

The problem with forgetting is.. you can never leave everything behind.

Disclaimer: This is a recall to the written piece I made five years ago, 'First Love and Imageries'. The other night kasi binasa ko un, pati na rin ung kaduktong na 'Prologue' naman. Ayun may naalala lang ako.

I'll try to post both of it sa multiply. Then I'll try to re-edit ung nasulat ko last year na, 'Under the Influence of Infatuation'. I wonder if I'll change the title to (Driving Under the Influence of Infatuation). Hmm, I can't decide yet!

Its the 'K' thing

Have you been hit by the wave of K-Pop yet?

Before my fascination with the new Korean girl-group 2NE1, the first Korean artist I've listened to (even upto now) are Kiss and Utada Hikaru. I still remember her song Automatic and of course her other famous song First love.

But then, still before that I used to watch MTV Pilipinas. During the time when Francis M and Donita Rose were known as MTV VJ's. I always see to it to watch every award show there is and one of them is MTV Asia Awards.

So in watching those, (ayun) I got introduced to other countries music. To name a few: Peter Pan, Boa, G.O.D., Stefanie Sun, Tata Young, Siti Nurhaliza etc etc.

Medyo weird watching it at first kasi ang pinapanuod na performance di maintindihan ang kinakanta. Merong baduy ang tunog pero meron din naman na okay ang timpla.

Now, naglipana na sa radio stations ang mga Korean songs. This time marami na di katulad ng dati na pailan-ilan lang. My family mocks me badly for having weird lists of music (kasi halos lahat pinapakinggan ko, kahit galing Norway or mapa-Trip-hop, or Baroque Pop, or Post-rock.) Tapos since lately I've been listening to 2NE1 that much, inaasar tuloy ako kung naiintindihan ko daw ba ung lyrics. Anu ba naman daw un?

So I was like, music parin naman 'to ah. Parang its a shift, imagine if American ako listening to OPM songs of Urbandub, Silent Sanctuary and Paramita. Do you get my analogy?

Music has a lot of different kinds, different variations, specific fashion statements and certain definitions. Kahit ano pa yan, kahit tunog ewan yan, na kung saang tambol galing.. music pa rin un. Basta may melody, and structure. Music.

Don't let language be a barrier or a discriminating factor for it to be labeled as Music.

Disclaimer: One example Daughtry ang genre nya is Alternative. Other terms known for it will be AlternoRock or Alternative Rock. Kapag napasyal ka naman sa UK, Britpop naman ang tawag na term dun. :D

Kaya may na ba-bash, Dissed at naa-abuse na mga EMO posers. Like I said sa Music meron fashion specific un. And it goes thru the history books kaya ganun dapat i-value un. At di gawing excuse dahil its because of the effin' trend. ~jk's 2cents