When it drops, it drops.. there's no turning back!
I had this saying to myself, as I entered this journal starting to write about last night. And it goes:
Back then, I still remember, May pa lang, start of classes na. So walang gaano bakasyon ako nalasap nung after graduation ng High School. My first year in QC, puro ako lang. That was the year na medyo pasaway ako nun. I had that certain freedom in my head kasi. (pano walang magulang eh) This chapter I'd provide to another blog entry.
I'm here for a purpose. Since January 10, when my Aunt got back from the States, she hasn't been feeling that well and sometimes not to herself without her knowing. So since I was like the easy-going niece that's undeniably very reachable in times of desperate need, I was tasked to cradle my weak Aunt's hands as if I have all the possible answers to those questions that lay our paths.
The task for this back to QC trip was deem for a family matter: "The Recollection of the Family memorabilia's, furniture's and super lumang plate-wares and Beer mug set." I was expecting na untidy ung bahay since dahil sa work ng Tito ko and especially because of the little poodle dog freely roaming around the house. And to my honest surprise, well, untidy nga.
So okay lang, carry lang basta may TV at my food, solve tayo dyan. For several days, I was just observing my Aunt for reactions and for sudden routines around the house. Pero syempre what I did with my stay there ayun, kumain, nanuod ng madaming movies, naglinis (linis na parang wa-epek ewan ko ba ang gulong bahay talaga dun) at nagbalot ng mga gamit na pinapagawang i-empake.
Nung mga unang araw, okay lang carry lang. Pero dumating ang Sunday at Monday, at napapansin kong, ako ang madalas magluto, naglinis ng konti ng CR, nag-eempake ng mga babasagin na baso at bowls at may kusang maglinis kahit papaano sa sala na tambak ng kung ano-ano. Then it hit me. Hindi okay 'to. But I still remained silent althroughout dragging therapies to movie marathons. Hanggang sa yesterday, lumabas muna akong bahay para kumain! (Pambihirang buhay 'to, lunch na, pero nakahiga parin at walang balak ata magluto ang Tita ko. Maybe I was waiting for her action, an urge to tell, tara magluto na, maglinis tayo, mag ayos tayo nito, mag-Mall tayo, kumain tayo sa labas.) Pero wala..
So this one time, last night, I was watching Resident Evil 4 sitting on a computer chair beside the master's bedroom. When the movie ended, and was starting to sleep I found myself unexpectedly crying for a reason I can't comprehend. Grabe parang ngayon lang yata ako umiyak sa tanang buhay ko. (Dahil umiiyak lang talaga ako kapag pilit na gusto mag-akting aktingan or kapag ayan na at sasabunin na ako ng Mommy ko).I miss the Aunt that I come to know dati pa. Pareho kaming hard-headed, lahat ng kapamilya nya naka-bangga nya, and I was one of the few na nakatiis sa kanya together with my family. Madali syang naka-clash ng family ko pero ako ung pinakahuli amongst the others.
I miss that person, who could cook and clean-up, who frequently combs and tidies up the poodles in the house, who gives advises and directions when venturing Manila, who walks 4 hours in a mall and never gets tired trying on different sandals and blouses, who talks with convictions and laughs because Wowowee is a funny show, I miss this and all.
And I cried knowing and wondering, could there be a possible way to bring that all back. I want the Aunt I've come to know before. I miss her.
Disclaimer: Its funny going back home, ung mga sa kapaligaran tinitignan mo kung ano ang nabago: kapitbahay, establishements, food etc. I'm here sa pc shop na pinupuntahan ko dati, even if napalitan na ung Name. Wala lang naalala ko lang ung dating adik pa ako sa Ragnarok at ibang computer games hehe.
Alcohologic is next.
