How To Kiss a Butterfly: The Letting

Note: This is the continuation to my previous blog which is The Forgetting (click link here)

She was hesitant to open the door, in whatever that lies behind it -- in whatever shaped shadow that lurks beyond that passage -- this frightens her. She must contemplate and fight the emotions she had. She just stood still as the adrenaline rush deliberately fills through her but all she can feel were gone.

She's bruised from smashing the cracked mirror long ago. Her knuckles are sore and red but she barely feels the pain or anything for that matter. Some necessary foresight is abound, a downplayed clarity hence the sensitivity of the matter is truly a reckoning. Moreover, judgement for those who are herewith and whom has spit fire shall pay.


Likewise, she breaks away from this sad estate, just finding the courage deep inside to let the light in and to believe once again. For such heart may have gone weary but she wouldn't let herself be tied to the past. Just as suppression may have been a friendly attempt to avoid walking through the roughness but not everything's in vain, she thought.


So as light creeps into the cracks of her room, she attempted to push the broken door thus stepping into the darkened hallways of where she actually felt the dusts heavy on the floor, in which every step leaves a mark where she goes. Slowly pushing through the passage, she walks furthermore, her heart pacing rapidly than before as she ventures into the abyss of the unknown.

And as patience may be bestowed upon her; she suddenly  felt the wall creaked. There she finds another door handle of which as she turns it open, engulfs her into this blinding light. She gasps to adjust from such new found spectacle.  Till such space starts to form right from her very eyes, temptingly she took a step out in the garden, as she took praise for a delightful realm -- a serene kind of reality by-the-by -- that she dreamt of through her bedroom window.

Thereafter, she lies near the garden, just looking at the blue sky. Watching the stratosphere change while clouds roll by into different kinds of shapes. The sun radiates through her skin. It's somewhat the freedom she's been longing for so long. She heaved a light breath just trying to let it all sink in. Though she's cut open but no one see's whereto she bleeds; nonetheless she points a steady gaze, a slender euphemism, the usual blank stare that runs along with mind games, her soft spoken gestures of such naivete that plays forth to this new found place. All of this seems common to her in some senseless but peculiar malady.


Finally, she noticed the flowers that she saw from her bedroom window: the two different colored flowers growing in a pot, this truly amused her, more-so this made her draw much closer to it, made her think of which one to pick. Once again, she looked at her bedroom window atop the flimsy door she outed, quietly staring at it for a moment -- as she drifted momentarily sideways from flashbacks till she's forced aback, realizing the darkness around her has gradually vanished, as the sweet smell of fresh air caresses her wholeness; the chains are slowly loosing its grip -- there she noticed an imprint at the window which she has never seen before. She curled her eyebrows trying to process what she saw, but then found herself intently looking at the flowers again. But she undecidedly froze from choosing. Still, her mind wanders and run away, and for what remains. . .left her in utter displacement.

http://www.values.com/inspirational-quotes/4742-Our-Deepest-Fear-Is-Not-Tha-

Note: I wrote The Forgetting and The Letting for one bit of purpose: to shed out some FEARs. I was watching an episode of MTV's Awkward. last week, and there was this quote mentioned that truly hit me. . .

"Writing is conquering your fears. It's about putting on to paper the thing that you are most afraid to share." --- Professor Hart (Season 2 x 02 -- Awkward.)

This quote made me realize something, that sometimes in writing we may stumble on some hindrances, that to be able to overcome the fears, one must be able to tolerate it, to speak it into wordings so to be able to overcome it somehow. For in not doing so, you're letting the fear eat you up, and it'll just hold you back.

I remember this one particular advice that I gave to a friend of mine two-weeks-ago, a text that goes:

We would never grow, if we let ourselves live in fear. And I was thinking I could probably avoid it and runaway from it like what I usually do, but then I realize, in the end I'd stumble onto this at some point again, that maybe instead of going in circles and running away from it, I have to confront my fears and face it. I wonder where I could find the courage to muster to do it? Cause I'd buy one in an instant. (Jk's text/advice to Cho) 04-22-13

We must embrace the courage amidst the fear. That no matter how dark the past or how cloudy the times can get; a light would always cave in and pour a shinning clarity because that's the wonderful grace of life; that if ever you're sitting at the bottom of the pit or you're standing at the ledge, hope purses to a shinning revelry (sometimes when you least expect it); that a radiant light -- for someone who never ceases faith in life -- no matter how sanely preposterous it can be, there's something to hope for. We just have to believe that there's great things to come.

Lastly, we cannot entirely forget the past, and we cannot live fully with secrets hidden throughout but one can truly say is that irregardless of the past or the secrets we stumble in and out of our lives (in fear thereof), what matters is that you have the heart to accept such: to let the bad ones out and learn from it; to pick the good ones, keep it safe and walk with it.

Once again, I'd like to share a quote from the TV Series The Carrie Diaries' recent episode:

Carrie Bradshaw: Letting go of people or traditions is hard because you invest so much in them that to let go can be scary but it can also be liberating or even essential to your happiness. If you don't let go, you can find yourself in a dark place unable to kick you worst habits. And sometimes if we truly love someone we have to be okay in letting go. . .
Geoffrey Chaucer wrote, "Time heals all wounds" but what he failed to mention was the scar those wounds leave behind; the painful things that happen to us, permanently leave their mark. They don't necessarily hurt anymore but they're always there as a reminder as a memory. And as time passes maybe the memory gets a little fuzzy but we always have the scar to remind us that it happened, that we live through it, that we survived. And maybe I have some scars on me but I felt like I was now ready to leave with my mark on the world.

Currently Listening: Try by Zach Berkman

Disclaimer: This would be the last time. . .I'm letting this out, so it wouldn't encompass through my writing, the next time or ever again. I hope so.