Tangled Breathing

I was writing one late night--my words cut short--as Mom was shouting in the other room, furiously mad at my nephews noisy shrill cries. Its supposed to be their bed time but the little kid just wont stop crying and bursting out a tantrum. So with all the noise I went to the next room and saw Mom in her drowsy state almost at the verge of spanking the kid with her slipper. Then I pulled him out of there and put him into my room, after fifteen minutes with no sense of calming down, Mom talked to him again and they went back to their room. What a night!

After that, I lay in my bed. . . thinking . . 

I haven't written anything for a week now. I wasn't able to post several entries in this blog yet. My life is a mess right now. I must admit. For someone who eschews perfection--these imperfect revelries that's suddenly dropping right to my face--somewhat are implicitly stabbing me deeper to the chest (right at the core). I'm gasping for breath; cold, frozen, tied to the hole I've put myself into. My head is blank from all the things that's randomly enveloping.

I think I'm going crazy! I'm scared just by the thought of it. Constantly checking my sanity if I'm at the brink of a loosing end or what.

The Merry Drinking Fellows

Let's hang our tears to the bright kindred skies,

just lay paralyzed--take aim at that bright red star..

and into your eyes they guide such like..

a shinning paradise.

Soon these dreams will fill up the sky,

bleed out until none's left but one's desire

that in this half-filled strange 'guise

such uncertain moment leads to

a beautiful twilight.

~poem title "Merry" finished @11/11/2012

When you're drinking beer one night..lost count on the number of cans you've emptied out..

listened for hours to a strangers' anecdote of a love drunk conflicted phone conversation, while another friend (who's smoking on the other side) is sharing stories of her unperturbed love dilemmas.

I got lost with the time . . .