I was writing one late night--my words cut short--as Mom was shouting in the other room, furiously mad at my nephews noisy shrill cries. Its supposed to be their bed time but the little kid just wont stop crying and bursting out a tantrum. So with all the noise I went to the next room and saw Mom in her drowsy state almost at the verge of spanking the kid with her slipper. Then I pulled him out of there and put him into my room, after fifteen minutes with no sense of calming down, Mom talked to him again and they went back to their room. What a night!
After that, I lay in my bed. . . thinking . .
I haven't written anything for a week now. I wasn't able to post several entries in this blog yet. My life is a mess right now. I must admit. For someone who eschews perfection--these imperfect revelries that's suddenly dropping right to my face--somewhat are implicitly stabbing me deeper to the chest (right at the core). I'm gasping for breath; cold, frozen, tied to the hole I've put myself into. My head is blank from all the things that's randomly enveloping.
I think I'm going crazy! I'm scared just by the thought of it. Constantly checking my sanity if I'm at the brink of a loosing end or what.
There's a slight disruption at work (days later naayos din :) ); my DTR is under the fires of scrutiny (damn!); Mom's classic bantering which will lead to our constant bickering (lagi daw akong kontra!); used by a friend for her own personal gain (hayy kumplikado).
I'm tangled into this, like the branches from a slowly dying tree. Leaves are falling down one by own and the several branches are getting gradually brittle by the day. Thinking is this my karma? Have I lost Faith?
Four hours ago, I went to the park and met up with Sheila, Chona and John Ed. They were sitting at one of the benches discussing something. At first, I didn't want to go (since I'm-not-in-the-mood-for-some-friendly-bonding-moments-after-everything-that-happened-for-the-past-few-days) but when Sheila texted that Cho wasn't feeling well I changed my mind and went there.
thinking. . . the instance of seeing my nephews' heavy breathing with gaps of his shrill crying stirred a certain sense of trepidation in me.Whatever traumas or abuse I've seen in this life--I hope I will not do nor even pass it to anyone dear to me--I want it to end. I willingly pray so.
Disclaimer: I need some good Karma espcially a good friend natutupi saking kalokohan haha.
