Wish I could have said something

There's a time when you feel like just getting with the flow of what's to come; only to stumble on something crazy that unexpectedly happened but there's nothing you can do to change what's already at hand; realizing after some moments of reflection that in some ways, the feeling of regret caves in like some virus in your head.

And it goes furthermore, in repeat like a flagrant echo, "Wish I could have said something earlier on, something straightforward to a friend coz I don't want her to feel despicable or put her in a position of getting hurt."

At that time, I never knew it was coming, or maybe I was just too blind to notice? For a fact, I was the one who introduce my friend to that bastard guy. And at that time, I thought he was okay. Little did I know it would come to this but who's counting?

I'm suppressing my anger to the guy who knocked-up my friend. I know I shouldn't include the thought of that jerk in my head right now (the jerk who's not man enough to do what he have to do-- "c'mon you're gonna have a  child in a couple months and you can barely stand straight on your own! grow up!").

Two months ago, I wanted to smack the life out of him or yell at him for that matter. Seeing his face makes me sick that I can barely look at it, that pinching myself not to do something outrageously stupid or insane is like forcing a trick on some random hat. At the back of my head, I know he totally deserves one slap though but like the usual me I never said anything.

And I suppress it all again just like the rest. I think I'm becoming an expert on it already; masking out the emotion while walking amongst the crowd with a blank stare and a bland smile like a masterful deception.

Only this time, I wasn't drinking for it; I was driving against it, with me loosely finding how time flies by. So, I drive my way staring on the road in silence just looking afar, thinking...

yet still, I never said anything.