Queen of Anything

I was watching several episodes of The Vampire Diaries. I dunno I'm just alil bit interested about the Witch/Wiccan storylines (the inner "Charmed" fanatic in me caves in haha) so I'm just randomly watching the series. Hence, the typical vampire storylines are about love, race, power, blood sucking, killing, hunting, revenge etc etc. And there I realize the thought about death.  I've written a few poems about death several years back but it never connotes to anything in what my recent situation is. Right now, the thought about dying has become a constant glimmer in my head for some time now.

Emily Bennett (witch) gives a meaningful line to Stefan Salvatore (vampire) (scene from The Vampire Diaries)

We are lorn to travel to avast thinking--an imagination--far more greater than whatever's been written. And this I can say neither all-knowing but to one's vision of what's to implore; what's to come lays abit of a mystery.

The revelry likewise, though dim-witted, surmised or purposely shadowed and poignant to reveal, leaves the pieces hollow.  Till the bits of the scattered pieces lays out in the open.

Half-shallow in dismal truths; for passion and wishful desire wields the master of one's thoughts that one ought to find. Living in the moment. That is what comes to mind.

A retrospect: simple or bound for a fuller satisfaction far as the sky. But behind these eyes lies a bed filled of dreams.

Such wishful thinking.

I could only  take pride on some of the crazy ways I've written all these years.
Truth be told--I've been silent all these years--and truth be told the half-truths can be tiring to feed in. I know I'm not perfect. I try to be. I don't want to live in a monitored, guided or structured way of living.

I want to be free. I am. But not entirely.

Maybe its my choice. To feed in with this cursed battle. Just like the very notion of death sets into with this fear. And this fear like the rest either it pulls you in or it pushes you to deal. Instead, I let myself get stuck in, barely moving. I've pushed every thought of it, cowardly hoping to forget.

My constant fear is rejection. And this time, this is now; that constant glimmer.

Currently Listening: Cheesa feat. Charice "I'm Not Perfect" and Charice "Are We Over"
Note: The title is a play on the Sara Barreilles song "King of Anything"
Disclaimer: Death is a word I dare not own.