After video recommendations after another, it occurred to me that there are alot of other TV shows that had some gay characters in it of which I wasn't aware of, like Grey's Anatomy, 90210, One Tree Hill, and The O.C. (I don't watch these series that's why I didn't know). So if we include Lip Service, SON, Sugar Rush, BtVS, Xena, Dawson's Creek, TCD, Glee, and PLL then that's a long list. Whew! I guess, this is like wow! I'm flabbergasted. Though I know there's several other shows I haven't even mentioned yet but I'd rather not look further more into it. I've seen enough as it is.
Anyways, take a guess which one I got stumbled myself into watching? (drum roll please)
Anyways, take a guess which one I got stumbled myself into watching? (drum roll please)
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| Marissa-Alex roadtrip |
"Oh, what can we do next interesting for Marissa's character? Oh I know, let's leave out Ryan, make her BI and make the ratings go RAWR!" (haha)
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| Marissa and Ryan |
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| Marissa and Alex |
I know that The O.C. is one of the popular series back then even if I haven't watched the series. I remember seeing them on several shows like Ellen or be on stage at the Teen Choice Awards. But to end with just 4 seasons and with that kind of popularity, I just can't help but wonder maybe some things did get out of hand??? Who knows?
The scene was about a letter that Katie gave to Jessie one time -- they were arguing about it and whether to throw the letter or not. It never occurred to me at first. Or maybe I just didn't bother to ponder more intently and understand what the hell they're talking about. And then it hit me.... "Oh! The letter!"
And then someone said, "I just want to be your friend!" (I think ERW said this line)Hey, I remember writing a very personal letter at one point in my life. Its kinda ridiculous thinking about it now -- the confusion, the conflicting feelings back then and the dilemma of crushing your very close friend -- the letter for me was sort of a way to make things right somehow or it didn't?
Katie and Jessie
I was like staring for a moment, then I just said out-loud, "I don't wanna be friends!"
I paused the video, from there I was caught in a time warp of some sort and just started writing the forth part of The Seyfried Series. I vaguely remember my very own letter that I wrote more than a decade ago. At that time, I wanted to forget about everything -- I recall the emotions got all tangled up, the changes and the confusion; it can be draining at some point -- so in fear of loosing some sense in me and the friendship we had in years. I just went on with the letter, thinking I was doing the right thing at the time. In the end, I lost the friendship in the process. I tried to pick the pieces up but got lost even more. So I just tried to forget the whole thing. It was painful to deal with but I have to carry on eventually.I played the remaining parts of the video. And when it ended, I began to realize, if only what you see in the screen were actually that easy, because IRL it doesn't always necessarily be that way. If you get what I mean.
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| The alley in the film The First Time (2012) |
Maybe one day I would find a guy named Dave in a dark alley and he'll recite a letter infront of me, would open the car door for me without asking, be chivalrous and just listen to whatever crap I've got to say; maybe not bring flowers but instead brings something else that I would definitely be happy about; listen and argue about any topics or theories; who will ask me questions 'cause he wants to know me better and not just try to get into your pants.But sometimes that's not always the case...
its either we find someone who likes you, who makes you laugh and smile but you honestly just don't feel the same way as he does, or you did find someone you like but that person already belonged to someone else (or even married), the hard part is when that person don't actually feel the same as you do -- insert your very own unrequited love story. Bummer! !
And you end up going through that painful path of moving along the current. . . well that's life!I really have to get that Jessie/Katie scene off my head right now 'cause I'm starting to well up with these terse words and intense revelries.
But then I remembered a scene in The Carrie Diaries, episode 9 "The Great Unknown", where Carrie said this line (in her diary):
Carrie Bradshaw: "Often, what we want, what we desire is something we keep deep inside us. Something so dear and so special. . . feels so scary to let it out in the open. Its all our little secrets and therefore safe from harm. . . that maybe we have to let the secrets out in order to really live. . . (cut) . . .I wasn't given a chance but I was relieved, all of my secrets are out and even though I was scared, I was also relieved not to hide my feelings anymore. It wasn't much but it was a start."
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| Carrie writing in her diary. |
Just like what Bradshaw said, secrets sometimes can be scary to let out in the open, but the relief in letting the secret out can be a light lift kind of feeling, like a heavy burden you've been carrying for quite a time has finally set you free. With that in mind, I just suddenly remembered a line that Ashley mentioned on SON 2x04:
Yes, time is of the essence. You need to get the timing right. I do believe that there's always a right moment and a right time for everything.
Ashley (Mandy Musgrave)
Ashley: . . .You just have to pick the right moment, ‘cause you only get one.
Spencer: Why does it have to be so hard?
Ashley: It has to be. Otherwise we wouldn't realize how important it really is.
Life has a way of splurging what it has to offer; sometimes it'll surprise you, and other times it'll smack you unconsciously in the head, leaving you face down on the floor. Life can be unfair but the purpose of that, I think is turning the tables around into something you can manage with. We must cope through life's dilemmas or the constant problems that we may face in the expanse of our lifetime. . .we keep secrets, we lie to some extent, we may please other people, we try to learn to stand up or speak up, we find ways to be contented and be happy, we try to find certain things to love in every people we meet, and sometimes a certain scenario would remind you of the past, a past full of secrets (like the letter you wouldn't want anyone to read about or a dark shadowy nightmare housed inside your head you've been forcing to suppress for years or an embarrassing truth you can't share and/or something that you fear (or whatever that thing is) that other people don't need to find out.
"You can look back [at the past], but don't stare." -- Take That
I'm not yet ready to reveal some of these secrets that I've shelved in the corners of my head. Maybe in time I will. Eventually that is. But then -- as with this blog entry turning to a personal piece -- at least, I'd reiterate that the revelations wasn't that much, though I think it's a start.
Disclaimer: Oh my God! (ERW mode) After the Seyfried effect,
now I'm seeing a bunch of ERW's movies, frolicking next at That Fifth Element.
(which is a bit weird that that was posted first over this LOL~)
That Poem: First Love and ImageriesCurrent Movie: Bitch Hug
Currently Watching: PLL s3 finale
Currently Reading: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
Currently Listening: A Well Kept Secret by Late July
Note: To tell you honestly, I was having second thoughts in posting this (that's why it took alot longer for me to actually publish this post), because I feel like I don't want to include some personal stuffs in this entry yet I fear I just can't help but do so. Its been a battle. -- to let it out there in the open when my entire life I've purposely tried in keeping everything about me in a blurred note -- I prefer these secrets like a prized possession and thought of keeping it away from prying eyes. But sometimes revelations are forcing their way out -- I've always managed to write things hidden, my words often tend to conceal what should really mean or it'll graze or touch just the edges of it or I would sometimes say things metaphorically or use symbolism at some point. And yeah, there it goes.
The Seyfried Series links: click below
